Useless Thoughts Running Through My Head

various musings of a generation x kad

Snow day blues

Posted by thoughtful1 on December 21, 2008

We had a snowstorm today.  The second one in three days.  I was supposed to go out to a Christmas party in the afternoon, but it was canceled due to the crappiness outside.  So I went back to bed.  And stayed there… for too long.

For whatever reason, I was depressed today.  It was difficult to get motivated.  I don’t remember what finally prompted me to get out of bed, but I did.  I showered, and then puttered about doing somewhat productive things, but mostly I ate.

Normally I would have enjoyed a day like this.  I would have stayed in my pajamas and sat in front of the TV.  I would have napped and daydreamed.  I would have been happy, or at least thought I was happy.  I don’t think I really was… Well, most of the time I don’t think I really was.  I think maybe I was just numb or unaware that I was depressed.  Or maybe I wasn’t depressed ;P

I was also somewhat overwhelmed today.  I had trouble deciding what to do.  There were a number of things that need to be done: tidy up the kitchen, wrap Christmas presents, start on the Christmas cookies, do laundry, vacuum, pay bills (shit!  I really need to do that… some of them are due soon!).  And, there were some things that would be nice to do: read, finish watching last season’s Doctor Who.  But, I was stuck – I couldn’t make up my mind.

Luckily, once I was up, I started to feel better.  Plus, I was exchanging e-mails with a friend, who eventually called me.  Interestingly, he picked up on my blue mood from one of my e-mails.  I’m not sure how – I don’t think I would have picked up on it – but he did.  So he gave me a call.  It helped.  It cheered me up a little, and we made plans to get together later this week.

I think one reason I was depressed today is that I’ve spent too much time alone the past few days.  I worked from home on Friday, and yesterday I was alone until the evening, when I had another party to go to.  And today I was… alone.  In the past, that wouldn’t have bothered me, but now that I’m going through a depressive phase, being alone for that long isn’t a good thing.  Maybe because it gives me time to think morose thoughts, or it makes me feel lonely, I’m not sure.  Or maybe it’s simply that I’m more depressed now than I used to be so now it’s more important that I get out and do stuff.

I don’t know….  But now I am going to make myself do some things so that tonight when I go to bed I’ll have done something.

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