Useless Thoughts Running Through My Head

various musings of a generation x kad

Posts Tagged ‘guilt’

My organizational block

Posted by thoughtful1 on December 11, 2008

No one likes paperwork.  Well, maybe a few do, but I suspect they’re in the minority.  I am one of the many who do not like paperwork.

And I’ve noticed it causes my brain to freeze.

I am in the middle of refinancing my mortgage.  Last week, maybe Thursday or Friday, I received paperwork from the bank and the bank’s attorney to fill out and return.  Or maybe it was over the weekend.  I’m not sure.  Either way, I’ve been stalled on filling out the forms until tonight, when I panicked that I was going to hose the closing date by not getting this shit done.

I should have sat down and gone through the forms when I received them.  But when I read through them, I put it off.  And then in my mind it turned into a clusterfuck.  I just didn’t want to or couldn’t deal with it.  Objectively, they aren’t that big a deal.  The hardest part was figuring which address to put down for the current mortgage holder since it’s held and serviced by Big Corporations.  That took 10 minutes.  But my brain got hung up on the insurance certificates.  I kept putting off dealing with it thinking I needed to call the loan officer and ask if she had already obtained the insurance certificate.  And that task somehow became the road block to looking into all the other things I had to do.

And then tonight I realized I was close to the end of this week and I needed to get stuff done.  So I am up later than I want to be (again) filling out forms and feeling anxious.  I’m almost considering driving to the post office to drop these off so they get to the bank and the lawyers by Friday.

In the meantime, I have to get the condo association trustees together with a notary to sign yet another form.  All of this before next Friday.

Now, maybe this is normal behavior, I don’t know.  But I feel like it isn’t.  There was just some sort of weird thing blocking my ability to deal with all this.  Granted, some unexpected things came up that got in the way.  I was going to go through the paperwork last night when someone called me.  After the call I decided to go to bed rather than stay up even later.  I could have told him that it wasn’t a good time to chat, but I didn’t.  I wish I had.  But, even so, I’ve had three days to go through this and I’ve put it off.  My brain just didn’t want to deal with it.  It’s like I just couldn’t sit down and go through it and figure it out.  Oh, and I feel guilty about it.  I’ve betrayed some sort of rule about Being a Proper Person and getting this sort of stuff done in a prompt manner.

I don’t remember being like this all the time.  It seems to have cropped up in the past year or two.  I feel like I’m out of control – like I can’t get a handle on things.

So now, late at night, I am going to drive to the post office and mail these.  And then I need to de-stress and go to sleep, something I’ve had trouble doing the past several nights.

Oh, and I haven’t even started on this year’s Christmas cards.

I did, however, finally put files in my file cabinet:



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Post-holiday funk

Posted by thoughtful1 on June 28, 2007

I returned from Portland on Tuesday morning. I took a red-eye out. I hate red-eyes. I can never sleep well on a plane. So, Tuesday was a bust since I ended up sleeping most of the day. Yesterday I ran errands, sort of. I went shopping – I finally found some skirts. I bought two Land’s End Chino Skirts at Sears. The problem, though, is they didn’t have them in petite, so they’re a little longer than they should be. I may take them to get hemmed. *ponder* Today I slept in, exercised, then puttered around before going grocery shopping.

I’ve been home three days and I still haven’t unpacked from my trip. As usual, I am in a post-holiday funk. The fun is over. General Assembly was fun and informative, but tiring. I’ve returned from the pretty, altered reality of vacation in Portland to the dull, cluttered reality of my life. I have bills to pay, luggage to unpack, and major decluttering to do. I still haven’t unpacked from moving last summer and I really should try to finish that up. I told myself I’d do it this week, or at least make some headway. And, I haven’t. So now on top of the post-holiday funk I feel guilty for not following through on my plans. All while trying to readjust my inner clock in preparation for the loud, scary 6:30 AM alarm clock on Monday morning.

Oh, and I need to remember that tonight is trash night. Especially since I had lamb chops last night and I don’t want those to sit in the garbage for a week.

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